God's Apology

BLOG!!!
I have had the best 30 hours ever!! So you want to know what happened? Huh...Huh?!?! I knew you did!! So I have been in a major funk lately, yes? You remember this discussion, correct? Good! I knew you were a smart little blog! So to shock myself out of my funk we decided to have a pizza party and invite Pete over to hang out with myself, Mandi and Kourtney! You know eat, talk, play games and well just be random!! It was awesome! I know Pete feels bad cause he kept getting calls and ended up having to leave suddenly but honestly I hope he knows we weren't upset about it at all! Life happens we live, love and die. The End! But anyways I am getting off subject aren't I? So Pete came over and we made homemade pizza and basically ate and talked for an hour or two and then we decided to play a game!! Mom had just bought Sneaks which is a variation of Spoons only instead of hard, dangerous metal spoons we had plastic sneakers! It was hilarious amounts of fun!! I felt bad though because Kourtney ended up scratching Pete a few times during the game! Yes Blog, plastic sneakers are just as dangerous as spoons!! After a forever long but very enjoyable game of Sneaks we went outside and talked for a bit in the dark! It was nice cause it had gotten so hot in the house since we were all crazy jumping monkeys in the kitchen fighting over 2 inch sneakers and outside it was starting to get windy so it was like heaven!! Until I decided to lay down in the grass and dampen my back with the slight water left over from irrigating! Then I was cold!! Mind you Blog this was at midnight! Not long after that Pete got a call and had to rush off! We were curious as to why he had to leave all of a sudden but honestly at that point I was just soo over joyed that he had come and we had soo much fun!! So yes blog for the first night in many nights I went to sleep feeling very happy and not as lonely! I loved it! Then I woke up this morning and found out that Taylan (from tremonton) had become my friend on Facebook! Not only that he was online and started chatting with me!! I was soo happy! Honestly I never thought he would ever remember me let alone talk to me ever again! It was wonderful! He actually just got back from his mission a couple days ago! He went to an island down by Australia.... forgive me blog I forgot the name! It was a French colony though so he now speaks fluent French! He is doing well and is planning on continuing his med. school that was put on hold when he left for his mission! I am soo happy for him! He was my dearest friend and I wish him all the best! I hope that we can continue being friends and not lose touch again! I know when I left Bothwell and pretty much knew I would never see him again a part of me never really recovered from the loss. It's funny though isn't it Blog? I have 2 years of hopes and dreams pretty much thrown in my face, feel worthless, useless you name it for a little bit and here comes Pete to rescue me! Bring me into a happier place and comfort me while I am figuring out how to pick up the pieces of myself and move on and then out of nowhere my dearest childhood friend reconnects with me after all of these years! I don't know about you but it almost feels as if this last 30 hours is God's way of saying "I Love You, McKell. I'm sorry you are hurting."

Dog-Pile

Hello there blog!
I am sorry I ignored you for a while but the last month has put me in a terribly depressed funk! But just know that I love you and missed you terribly! There were many times that I longed to check in and write about what I am feeling but I could never find the right words to use! It's like I am feeling all of these emotions that I can't really describe. Which stinks because when you don't even know what you are feeling it makes you confused which heaps another feeling on top of the already chaotic dog pile of mixed up emotions! It seems like lately friendships that were soo near and dear to my heart have been dropped, cracked and violently misstreated while friendships that I had thought disappated over the years have been brought back stronger than they ever were! If it wasn't for those friendships resurfacing I don't think I would be in a good of a mind set as I am at this moment! Though it is not mentally or emotionally where I would really want to be it is better than the darker scarier alternative! I have a problem, dearest blog, that I cannot seem to come to a conclusion about! There are people on boths sides of this problem giving me seperate advice but I don't know which to follow! I think I have problems when it comes to problem solving because ever since I was little I would sit and stress out about making a right or wrong choice afraid of it being the outcome that I didn't want! So instead I sit and muddle around until either the answer hurls itself into my face, someone makes a decision for me or I become soo stressed out about making a choice that I blindly hurl a choice out there for better or worse! It is all terribly confusing and stressful! I hate it when I am put in those positions! I also hate it when I invest soo much of myself into something only to be shutdown, kick around, and ignored! It sucks!
Anyway that is what has been keeping me away from you, My Blog! I am sorry it took me soo long to find the words to say but hopefully now that I have found my tongue it will take a small body off of the dog pile so that I can actually function in my daily life!