Failure to Re-Launch

Blog! Hi there!
I have been wanting to blog for the past 2 weeks now but whenever I get on the computer I only have time for the basics and then have to get off! But I am here now and feel like rambling for a little while! So... Things have been pretty rocky for me this last week. I had a bad time a while back and decided to write Eric and ask him what was happening with us? Then preceeded to tell him that I felt I was not treated fairly by him doing that! As I told you before I had not heard from him in over a month! Well he wrote back and said some things that honestly really really hurt. It's not that I am completely heartbroken over the fact that he basically told me to kiss off it hurts that I wasted 2-3 years on a guy who obviously didn't care that much for me, it's that what he said struck at what he knows is one of my biggest insecurities! Plus he used the same crap that my family has pulled on me for years saying that "negativty breeds negativity. negative energy asks why positive energy asks why not." I have heard that from my family all the time! They always tell me I am a negative person when I am having one down day and that I am the reason my life sucks! So for him to hurl that at me after I had told him how much it hurts to hear that from people stung bad! I hate it when you confide your deepest fears and weaknesses to people and they end up using them against you! The only thing that hit a nerve with me was that he said "you attach all of your emotions to one thing and when that one thing fails your devestated." I was really confused when I read his statement because isn't that the point of a relationship? You invest your emotins into that one person striving for it to succeed! So why wouldn't I have attached a great deal of myself to him? I have been looking back at myself and feel soo extremely stupid for waiting by the door, listening for the mailman, craving his letters! I was waiting on a guy who obviously never exsisted or cared about me as deeply as he let on in his letters. I hurt but at the same time I am almost happy... is that weird? I guess for soo long I placed my feelings for him wherever I was told! My family was constantly saying "Stay with him no matter what! He is a great guy and a missionary!" When there were times that I honestly would question whether we were as compatable as everyone said? As much as it hurts knowing what I know now I guess I should be happy that I am not still floating around in that abyss of silence he shoved me into a couple months ago. The truth hurts but I guess it is better than not knowing what happened. Right?