Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Can you please hand me my jaw? It just fell to the floor!

Okay so I know it has been forever and I should do the whole what have I been up to lately thing but I won't!! Know why?! I had something insane happen to me today that is much more important that my lack of social life!! Okay cue factory! So ever since the whole falling out with boyfriend Eric which was incredibly nasty and hurtful, I have been kind of hovering in a limbo of sorts! What happen? Why would he say that? Etc. It became worse when like a week or two after the fallout he became engaged! I have pretty much been lost in this tunnel of self doubt, anger, sadness... okay you get the point! Well almost 2 weeks ago he had his wedding! Since then I have been thinking of what I needed to do to get myself up and put him past me! Well my idea was to accept it all and put myself out there by writing him and telling him congratulations and wish him well! Of course I chickened out for like a week until yesterday! It was a stressful day and I got on Facebook and saw he had posted status stuff! Which made think about my plan and so I decided what the heck the day was already crappy!! Now I sent this never expecting any answer back and I was fine with that!! Worst case scenario was that he would write back being just as rude and hurtful as he had been last summer but I figured it wouldn't hurt me more than it had!! Well I went to bed that night feeling better about myself for getting up the courage to wish him well!! Now marks the jaw dropper!! I woke up the next morning and had a new message! It was Eric! He wrote me and apologized for what a jerk he had been and told me that even though it took him a year to do it he wanted to apologize and let me know it was his fault not mine!! I was floored!! I had tears in my eyes!! All of these months I had been beating myself for something I thought I had done and as soon as I read his message I felt this release!! Like someone flicked on the lights and showed me where the door was!! I am soo glad that I decided to put my own hurt aside and show him kindness because even though he may not realize it he gave me the greatest gift of kindness he could have given me! He apologized and gave me the key to the door that has been blocking me from walking into the future unburdened and unafraid of that part of the past!! I thank him for being strong enough to apologize and help me heal!

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